Choices

Mom never told me that when it comes to making choices you had to keep certain things in mind. Mom never told me that it was important to really think things out clearly, understand implications from multiple perspectives and really know from your heart that that is the choice YOU (as an individual) want to make. Mom never explicitely told me that the choice i make becomes a part of my yesterday, my today and the essence of my tomorrow.

I made a choice. Well, that in itself is a great thing, aint it? I made a choice. I made a choice that today rules my life. I made a choice with a lot of positive thinking - thinking i could beat the world at it; thinking that there was nothing that was impossible; thinking that no odd was too difficult to win against. I have not lost. I dont think I ever will. But the point is I have not won. And I dont think I ever will. To win, you need to have made the right choice. And the choice cant be one that wrecks your being and your life. To lose, it could be just a choice - something that you can live with but not something that you cant live without - probably that is the essence of a right choice - that you choose something coz you cant live without it. If you think, 'alright, it is something and i can go through life with it' then let me tell you dear friend, that's hardly the right choice.

My choice was to be governed by tradition - was to be within the bounds that tradition set me - but I discarded that precious cavet to the wind and thought I was better than the thousands of generations that went before me and the zillions of lessons that they had learnt - through the hard way of experiance or though sensible intuitive belief or knowledge. I chose to beat my own track and in the process I beat the daylights out of me - I beat the wind out of my sails - I beat the spirit out of my life. Tell me, good friend - what joy have you experienced, what grief have you truly cried about? What life you have lived? What justice have you done?

Where will it all end? How will it all end? When will it all end? Oh Goodness knows and I so await that day - guess I made a wrong choice and theres almost nothing I can do about it now. Live it. Go down with it. Go down - neither fighting nor with glory - coz theres nothing you can win in this fight - you lose either way - you lose every way.

Good night.